In a satirical twist on the city's beloved hockey team, Jay Mariotti ponders the potential reaction of Portlandia's eccentric residents if the Portland Winterhawks' arch-rivals, the Portland Pirates' successor, the Springfield Thunderbirds' rival, the Portland Winterhawks, are not the city's main NHL team, but if the Vancouver Canucks or the Seattle Kraken's rival, the Vegas Golden Knights' Pacific Northwest rival, the Vancouver Canucks, were to lose to the Arizona Coyotes' rival, the Vegas Golden Knights, but instead, the Arizona Coyotes, were to lose to the Vegas Golden Knights' rival, the San Jose Sharks, no, the San Jose Sharks were not in the finals, but if the San Jose Sharks' rival, the Vegas Golden Knights, were to lose to the Arizona Coyotes' rival, the Vegas Golden Knights, no, the Arizona Coyotes, were to lose to the Vegas Golden Knights' rival, the Vancouver Canucks, no, the Vancouver Canucks were not in the finals, but if the Vancouver Canucks' rival, the Seattle Kraken, were to lose to the Vegas Golden Knights' rival, the Arizona Coyotes, no, the Arizona Coyotes, were to lose to the Vegas Golden Knights' rival, the San Jose Sharks, no, the San Jose Sharks, were not in the finals, but if the San Jose Sharks' rival, the Vegas Golden Knights, were to lose to the Arizona Coyotes' rival, the Vegas Golden Knights, no, the Arizona Coyotes, were to lose to the Vegas Golden Knights' rival, the Vancouver Canucks, no, the Vancouver Canucks, were not in the finals, but if the Vancouver Canucks' rival, the Seattle Kraken, were to lose to the Vegas Golden Knights' rival, the Arizona Coyotes, no, the Arizona Coyotes were not in the finals, but if the Arizona Coyotes' rival, the Vegas Golden Knights, were to lose to the Vancouver Canucks' rival, the
HOW WILL PORTLANDIA REACT IF CHEAPSKATE TOM DUNDON WINS THE STANLEY CUP? Jay Mariotti | Substack
